Today on my long run I thought it had finally happened. I thought I was going to be stopped by the police. Not for speeding mind you, but for standing in the middle median while waiting to cross a very busy street on my route. Not a good decision on my part. The police car went by me, slowed down and then went on. Not sure whether I was going to be stopped, I continued on as if nothing had happened. Yes, I did make it across the street. But I did have the feeling the the car was lurking behind me the rest of the way waiting for me to make another bad runner decision. As I ran, I contemplated what I was going to say if the car came back and actually stopped me. So here goes:
(Flashing lights and siren blaring. I run to over to the curb and stop.)
Officer: "May I see your license and registration?"
Me: "Sure." Handing them my last gel and rag I use to wipe sweat.
Officer: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Me: "I'm sure it wasn't too fast, I'm on a long run today and working on a medium pace."
Officer: "Did you say median pace?"
Me: "No, medium."
Officer: "Well, you were standing in the median in a very busy intersection. Do you know how dangerous that is?"
Me: "Actually I do this every week. Sometimes more than once."
Officer: "So you repeat this action on a regular basis?"
Me: "Yes. You see I run marathons. Do you happen to have any bread in the car? I am really needing some carbs." (Now I am starting to do some stretching because I am getting tight.)
Officer: "No we don't carry bread as a rule."
Me: "Ok, then can I have my gel back?"
Officer: "No, we are going to have to test it to see if there's something in it making you make bad decisions."
Me: "That won't be necessary, it's just carbs and protein."
Officer: "You runners are all alike. No regard for safety. Just run and run and run. Did you even look as you were trying to cross?"
Me: " Yes, but I did feel a few wind gusts from the cars as they went by." (More stretching)
Officer: "I am going to have to ask you to come sit in the car."
Me: "You don't understand. If I do that, I will lose all of my mental focus, get tight, cool off, wreck havoc on my running goal for the day, and that's not good."
Officer: "I'm sorry, we are going to need to check some things out before we let you go."
(Several minutes pass by.)
Officer: "We have also found out that you run with a group on the weekends. Is that true?"
Me: "Yes, it's a great group of runners!"
Officer: "Well, we're going to have to take you downtown. This is far too serious. Add the running group factor to this and we just can't let it go."
Me: "You don't understand."
Officer: "You'll get one phone call. I hope somebody in your group will come bail you out."
Me: "All of this because I crossed in the wrong place?"
Officer: Yes, crossing like you did is just not safe."
Me: "Say, on our way downtown, can we stop for bread? I need carbs!"
Tip for the day. Be safe and watch where you cross. Someone may be watching you!
Forward we go! May your roads and trails be happy and safe!